Regression

The clock is ticking and we’re in a holding pattern, waiting for number two to make the grand entrance into the world. As we “prepare” (as much as that can ever happen), I have really been trying to work with Jonas to teach him to be more independent. His alone playtime has definitely increased and now he is even transitioning into a big boy bed. While I am encouraged by those advancements, regression sometimes sneaks in. The thing is, it’s not necessarily Jonas who is regressing.

Yesterday as I put him down for a nap, I laid beside him on his new bed. He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it, so I thought my presence might help him go to sleep instead of getting up to explore his room. It worked. He drifted off to sleep after just a few minutes. And so did I. Thankfully I awoke after about 10 minutes. Before I wiggled my way past his bed rail and out the door, I lay there, not thinking about work and what I needed to accomplish during those precious naptime moments. Listening to him breathe and watching him peacefully inhale and exhale, I thought of how soon those quiet moments together will be few and far between. That realization made me want to curl up beside him for the entire nap. Work called and I eventually left his side, but I have noticed how I want to spend a little more time playing with him, holding him, rocking him, kissing him. While this should be a time of adjustment before number two throws his world into a tailspin, I find myself wanting to hold on to him a little tighter knowing that in days or weeks to come we won’t have that one-on-one time that we’ve had for the past two years.

Throughout this entire pregnancy, I’ve wondered what that will do to him and how he will react, but suddenly I’m wondering the same for myself. This little guy has pulled me into his life. I know him. He knows me. We have a routine. An understanding. And now we must make room for another. How will that happen? How will I respond to Jonas and his sibling? And how will they respond in return? Ah, the many questions of anticipation. I know that only time will tell and that I should work on preparing him now before he feels the baby has stolen his mama. But all I want to do is hug him a little tighter, spoil him a bit more and delay those life lessons for a while.