Abundance

‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the place
there were new sights and sounds just filling the space,
as toys lay around on the table and floor,
and my toddler exclaimed, “more presents, more!”
For the holidays had brought just a boatload of toys
with enough Thomas trains to satisfy 10 boys.
Who cares if the college fund never gets full?
‘Tis more important to have more trains to pull.
Of course his look of pure excitement and glee
is just what every grandparent wanted to see.
But at least he is blessed again and again,
And hopefully a scholarship will come through in the end.

Bravery

Last Christmas Jonas fell in love with a stuffed dog that would sing “Jingle Bells” and rock on its sleigh whenever someone touched its ear. It took just a short time for Jonas to wear down the batteries by playing the dog over and over and over and over…. Once the batteries (and our nerves) were sufficiently drained, we packed up the dog and put it in storage until a few weeks ago when it reemerged with the other Christmas decorations. Expecting Jonas to once again be enamored by this toy, Matt pushed the dog’s ear. This time instead of laughing with delight, Jonas began screaming with fear. Something had happened during those months of separation that made Jonas forget about his little friend and instead view it as some horrible monster that would attack him as it merrily sang Christmas tunes and rocked on its sleigh.

Instead of completely feeding the child’s fear, we decided to leave the dog on the coffee table in the living room, informing Jonas that the dog would only sing when he pressed its ear. I hoped over time he would grow to once again appreciate the little pup’s playfulness. And slowly he seems to be warming up. One day he reached for a toy that was behind the dog instead of asking me to get it for him. Then he actually allowed his arm to brush up against the dog. Later he “fed” the dog some sloppy joes as we played with his toy dishes. At one point I walked in the living room to catch him dangling his hand above the dog’s ear, contemplating pressing it, but then thought better of it and walked away. But finally the much-anticipated moment arrived. He was busy playing at the coffee table when suddenly he stopped, placed his hand on the dog’s ear and paused. He waited for a bit then walked away, shaking his head and smiling, as if internally laughing at such a ridiculous thought. Then he stopped just a foot or two away and stood still. I could see the wheels turning in his little head when a grin emerged. With confidence he marched up to the dog, grabbed its ear and before he could back down, he pressed it. Instantly the dog began barking its holiday tune and my brave little toddler ran to me crying, “No doggie! No doggie! No doggie!” suddenly regretting giving into his inhibitions.

Over those few weeks, I had watched Jonas test his own limits. Though they still aren’t the BFFs they were last year, at least he finally gained the courage to press the ear. How often do adults just let fears run our lives, setting limits that will ensure we will not get too close to a situation that might cause us some fear and courage? But the pride I saw in my little guy’s eyes once the singing subsided showed that taking such a courageous step was worth the consequence. It may be a while longer before he gathers up the courage again and it may take until next Christmas for him to be completely at ease with the little pup, but by not backing down there is at least potential that sometime before college he will not be afraid of singing stuffed toys.

Liberation

The other night Matt and I got dressed up and went to his company’s Christmas party to enjoy some free food and watch his co-workers get drunk. I tucked my post-baby belly into some pantyhose, put on some heels and we headed out, braving the persistent snow and slippery roads. When we pulled into the parking lot, I turned to Matt and said, “Can you just drop me at the door?”…words I’m not sure I’ve ever said before. I was already feeling self-conscious about my soft mid-section and I didn’t feel like dealing with puddle-soaked feet and snow-dampened hair to boot. So while Matt parked the car, I stood inside the door awaiting his arrival. A woman walked up to me and said, “Is this the line for women waiting for their husbands?” and she let out a little giggle. Suddenly I regretted my decision to prematurely exit the vehicle. You see, I typically brave the weather and the walking distance regardless of my attire to prove that I don’t need special treatment. I have ridden the white water rapids and climbed the rock wall alongside men, so why shouldn’t I be able to handle a little snow? Now I know this shouldn’t be a big deal. Many people see it as a common courtesy, but to me it stands for more. I once broke up with a guy who didn’t think I could open a door for myself. I’m no Gloria Steinem, but I do believe in a woman’s strength and abilities to make it through this world without a man having to hold the door open for her or drop her close to the door so the fairer being that she is won’t get too weathered on the way. But I tried to let it go as Matt walked through the door, shaking a dusting of snow from his suit and together we walked into the party. Later that evening I saw four women join together to head for the restroom and I realized, I haven’t totally compromised my liberation. While I may find comfort in getting out of the cold as quickly as possible, at least I can still use the bathroom by myself.