Simplicity

I was speaking with someone the other day who doesn’t have kids yet. She would like to have children at some point and given that she is in her 30s, probably before too long, but I could see the doubt, concern and fear in her eyes. She said, “We plan to have kids, but right now, I’m just selfish. I like my things. Plus with kids they are constantly there and I’m not sure I can handle that.”

What an honest statement. And how true it is. Constantly there. Yes, they are constantly there hugging, crying, laughing, talking, singing, demanding, eating, drinking, wanting, needing, challenging, exploding, playing, learning, pleasing, persuading, running, screaming, tumbling, cheering, caring, cuddling and occasionally sleeping. Children, and their multitude of emotions and actions, are always present. Parenthood is a job with no coffee breaks, no sick time and no vacations. While it can be one of the greatest blessings, it can be the greatest challenge (all in the same moment).

I related to what she was saying. Matt and I waited seven years before having kids. We traveled, rock climbed, white water rafted, golfed, slept in, relaxed, stayed up late and just enjoyed each other’s company. We were selfish. And we loved every minute of it. Now we are faced with the constant challenges of stopping whining, teaching gentleness, redirecting frustration, maintaining consistency, guiding without enabling, rearing responsibility, reinforcing desirable behavior…. At times, the days of hanging on the side of a rock seem long gone.

Jonas cuddled on my lap as this woman and I talked. I held him tight and thought of those pre-kid days when we could eat our dinner in front of the TV and not feel guilty. Or we could stay up late talking and not worry about what time the first child would wake. Were they simpler days? Yes. But as Jonas laid his head on my chest and fell asleep, I knew that simpler didn’t equate to better. Yet seeing the question in her eyes and knowing the range of emotions that come with parenthood, I simply said to her, “Enjoy your time together now” …because sometimes a bit of selfishness now can lead to greater selflessness later.