No Medals for Natural Childbirth

I was watching “Up All Night” last night. It was the birth episode and I couldn’t help but get discouraged and frustrated by the way Hollywood was once again portraying birth. The show begins with the mother, Reagan, desiring a natural birth. As contractions begin, she still holds firm in her desire. When entering the hospital, she runs into a neighbor who mocks her for even considering going natural. As labor progresses, she finally succumbs to the epidural and eventually it all ends with a c-section. The lesson: natural childbirth is a nice notion, but not realistic.

Throughout my research and interviews for Unexpectant, I’ve come to realize there are typically two camps when it comes to pregnant women. First there are those who research to prepare themselves. Then there are those who don’t want to hear anything about labor and delivery; they will cross that bridge when they get there. I admit that leading up to pregnancy, I was more of the second group. I refused to watch shows like “A Baby Story” or anything that showed women in the throes of labor. I figured if I watched that, I’d never want to have a baby. Eventually I shifted to the research mindset and I began to form my personal birth philosophy. What was it? To go as natural as possible. Was it easy? No. Why? Well, honestly, it hurts, but also because our society gives little support for those who choose the natural route. Case in point, I had one mom laugh at me and say, “You know, you don’t get a medal for that.”

I can’t blame women who refuse to watch births, especially when the births most commonly shown include a cascade of interventions and end in surgery. Don’t forget the water breaking in public, the mad dash to the hospital and the profanity that, according to TV, every woman seems to scream during a contraction. And then there is the eventual throwing in of the towel before the (male) doctor comes to her rescue and completely ends her previous thoughts of a natural birth. It is a frightening sight. And I’m glad I’ve never witnessed that for myself. You see, that’s not how birth has to be. That’s not how mine have been. And yet, this portrait is painted again and again for women everywhere. So why would they think natural birth is possible? Why would they ever attempt to go without the euphoria of drugs, as they are portrayed? Why would they believe that in birth, they can find a strength within themselves to make it through perhaps the most empowering experience of their entire lives?

I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt. I’m not saying there aren’t moments of hopelessness, such as my third hour of pushing with #1 when I swore I had no energy left and someone would have to pull him from me. I’m not saying that contractions are in any way pleasant. But here’s the secret: they end. Labor does not go on indefinitely. And, in my experience, the moment it ends, the pain immediately subsides and you have an energy you never thought possible after such an experience.

Perhaps my experiences wouldn’t make for good TV drama. But perhaps they are just the portraits more women need to see so they can believe they can do it themselves. Am I saying every woman needs to have a natural childbirth? No. It was my choice. And it should be every woman’s opportunity to make her own choice. But what I’m saying is that women should at least have that opportunity to know it is possible. To know that it will hurt, badly, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To know that she is stronger than she realizes. To know that experiences other than those written to increase ratings and induce laughter exist. To know that she can create her own reality.

And so, last night I couldn’t help but be enraged as the TV neighbor gave Reagan that mocking oh-isn’t-she-sweet-for-thinking-it’s-possible head tilt and smile. How about a little solidarity? And what about some encouragement? Will there be a medal? No. At least I didn’t get one, but I did end up with two of the biggest rewards ever.